Let me help YOU. HELP ME HELP YOU!!

So this week's menu of stupid looks like this:  An Aries, 54 year old, never married nerdy type.  who is looking for "a medium build woman".  He has no kids. and...this is where I start judging...no pets. (my own bias. no offense intended, for once.)   He has this profile picture where his head is cocked way sideways and he's grinning at us like we are puppies who have just climbed inside the bowl to eat. Oh wait, he has no pets. nevermind. He's got this ridiculous look on his face. Not like a nerdy awkward guy. But like his co-worker, Gladys, just said "Morty, smile!" and he looked over like "Oh it's so adorable that frumpy Gladys wants my photo. ooooh oooohkaaaay".    Got the image in your mind?

I like nerds. a lot.  But this guy...

him: why are you so angry? I hope you find what you're looking for
me: if you saw my inbox you'd understand
him (completely losing any modicum of respect I had for him as a nerdy guy): "It can't be that bad.  a beautiful, intelligent lady...you should be able to draw out some decent guys *rose emoji to make this condescension better*
me (in all caps on purpose):  OK SURE. K THANKS
him:  (still not getting it)  Have faith.  There are some nice guys out there
me: crickets/no response

NEXT DAY

him:  if you ever want to talk about anything give me an email.

I found it hard to not respond to that one and say "really? are you looking for a girlfriend or a counseling client? WHY would you do this to yourself?  Let me be your relationship coach. Don't assign yourself a role that you don't really want!

I said nothing.

3 DAYS LATER

him:  (STILL NOT GETTING IT)  SMILE *happy face and rose emojis*

Again, hard to not respond.  I know you guys don't get it but let me help you.  Don't tell us to smile or to "calm down".  Do you know how often we hear stupid shit like "you're so much prettier when you smile"...?

hint:  A LOT

You know what is kinda cool? When someone digs the hell out of you even if you're mad, or have resting bitchface, or have ACTIVE bitchface. Or when someone has empathy for what you might be experiencing a  woman human.   Or doesn't act like they are doing you a favor by offering unsolicited (bad) advice.

side note for all humans:  all advice that is unsolicited is going to be bad.

Let me help y'all out

I know that this stupidity is MOSTLY unintentional. But OMFG ...condescension is not sweet, guys.

Likewise girls...stop being his counselor! (This is different than being supportive in an established relationship.  But even in a marriage, if deep things come up around, say, family stuff... you shouldn't try to fill the role of supportive spouse and counselor.  It's weird. Trust!) Once you get yourself into the counselor box, its difficult to get out of it.  You wanna have a sexy, romantic relationship? or do you want to feel "right" and counsel him on his problems?  If he has that many problems, exit, stage left.  If he doesn't, then shut up unless asked.

Here ends the reading of today's (not actually dating because OMFG) rant