Ok I'm a bitch, have we covered that sufficiently? Look, when you have your own blog, you can paint yourself to be Mother Teresa (who by the way had a bitch side to her as well, just sayin!), but I'm just keepin' it real it the hopes of getting back to ACTUAL RELATING with other humans with like...language and stuff!
This internet dating this has screwed us all up so badly. This topic is a refresher for those of you paying attention, because it apparently bears repeating.
*writes on blackboard*
*Pauses to explain what a blackboard is* So back in the days before the "Smart Board" and the "Chrome Books" the teacher used this thing called CHALK and wrote lesson-y stuff on this thing called a chalk board. It was incredibly barbaric and hard to read and sometimes the erasers were used as weapons and then we had to walk uphill in the snow to eat a lunch of bologna sandwiches. OMG THE HUMANITY. Is there an acronym for that? OMG...TH?
Whatever. Anyway....
SENDING MULTIPLE MESSAGES BACK TO BACK BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T RECEIVED A RESPONSE FROM HIM/HER AND PRETENDING IT'S BECAUSE OF A TECHNICAL ERROR IS ...SAD.
and pathetic maybe.
So wha' ha' happn'd was...I got bored. The conversation was just not holding it's shape well and it was falling flat and I was trying but it wasn't working and I feel like he was a nice guy but not quite my caliber of dude and...I just got fucking bored.
So I stopped answering.
Granted, we had not been betrothed or anything. I think betrothal happens on message 8 and we were on ....3. So I just backed out of the room slowly. Because I can. Because not betrothed. *not explaining that goddamnit* Because just like in that bar in 1994 when that dude with funky hair, too much cologne and an over or under laundered shirt bought me a drink and made LAME conversation with me, I wasn't obligated to make shitty small talk with him, or make out with him or drink more shitty well drinks on his dime, I am also not obligated to answer message #3.
So after my crickets, the next day I get
*cool sunglasses emoji*
then the next day
"Hi. Hope you're having a great day. blah blah blah blah boring boring boring yaaaawn blah blah. I tried to message you last night (aside reference to emoji) but I was driving and Siri wasn't cooperating. haha."
then the next day
" Hi. the (dating app name) is giving me problems. My number is 555.555.5555 if you would like to text me" (it was a real phone number....not all 5's)
then the next day
"been messaging you. Doesn't look like they are sending"
THEY ARE SENDING! I'm just not answering! for the love of Goddess, please spare your ego further pain and stop this madness! Those were my thoughts.
then THE ...NEXT...DAY... ("Dear Taurus...OMFG")
"well I thought I'd try one more time. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah."
So...it isn't that he's a dick or anything. I mean he could be a serial killer, Idanno. I'm not gonna find out, because I'm not gonna date him. Because I don't have to. Because I'm BORED.
So when you do not get a response from someone, do NOT KEEP MESSAGING THEM. (This applies to newly budding or attempted connections, NOT established relationships with established communication rhythms!) Unless you're married to them and they don't answer your 4th text...you should call the police or drive to that bitch's house, or both. But I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about NEW relationships!
Girls, you are the worst at this, frankly. But it seems like many men like women so much, they've started acting like them.
DOH!
This behavior is called "Leaning In". and you shouldn't do it in any newly forming relationship, whether its platonic, or work relationship, or hopeful romance. When someone doesn't answer you, there's usually some kind of reason. It could be a bullshit reason or a legit reason or the dog ate their ...phone. It doesn't matter. Allow the other person that reason without leaning in and energetically hovering over them. If they want to respond to you, trust me, they will. But you climbing up their ass, energetically (otherwise, ew) is only going to push them farther away. You know I'm right, because you've done this to yourself before, haven't you?
STOP IT.
LEAN THE FUCK BACK.
I mean. ahem. Lean Back. Either he will lean forward and close the gap or he won't. But if you stop begging him or her to talk to you, when they do, you'll know it's sincere and not out of some conditioned response to stalker behavior.However, if your girlfriend of 18 months stops messaging you, or answering you, you've probably pissed her off pretty bad and you should fix that shit.
Kay? Kay.
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