And then there are the guy friends who want to "help".
"Do you know why you're single?"
"Um, because I have standards that aren't being met by the moronic assortment of sub-humans who asked if they can sneak into my house while my kids are asleep??..."
"No. You're too picky".
"oooooooh. right. fucking standards. I'm just a woman. I shouldn't have those! I should just feel grateful when a male human seeks procreation activity with me. Riiiiiight. my bad".
"why are you so bitter?"
"would you like to look at my inbox?"
"Is that a code?"
"No. But that question is a perfect example of why I am single!"
I can't honestly say that I am even actively "dating" again. Because I can't get past the stupidity blockade in my inbox. And no, that isn't code!! So merely for entertainment, if not for eventual monetary gain, I hereby resurrect this blog of dating doom, and I give you...
The Zombies of Love. DATING IN 2017!
Relatively handsome dude (who clearly has not read my barbed dating profile): How's the dating scene going for you thus far?
(I am titillated at the use of the word "thus", so I reply, although I am simultaneously annoyed that he clearly hasn't read the masterpiece under my photos)
me: god. I want to run screaming onto a freeway
him: yes. dating is tough. Just so you know, I just got out of a relationship and am not looking for anything serious right now. More like run under the covers. Would you be interested?
me: NOPE
him: OK
me: (mercifully explaining myself) I am not looking to get married and I'm not in a hurry for a relationship. I just can't do the unconnected sex thing."
a SMART MAN would have said something here about...oh Idanno. Anything other than what he actually said. Which was...
him: How do you know if you've never tried?
So in the movie version of this scenario, my head explodes and dragons fly out and eat him and spit out his bones. THIS is the exact bullshit that makes me bitter. First of all, there is a subtle undertone of "he's doing me a favor" in here. Secondly, why would he assume from my statement that I haven't "tried"? Motherrrrrfuckerrrrrr....*yoga breathing*
me: Do I seem like a woman who doesn't know herself? Why would you assume I haven't "tried"? I'm sure you will have zero problem finding a woman who will appreciate the favor you are doing for her by fucking her without any sort of emotional connection. Enjoy the view of humanity's dismantling.
***end scene***
Ok so in objective fairness, maybe THAT is why I'm single. But so far, I'd rather be single than entertain the zombie fuckers of the world.
Stay tuned...
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