So...I'm no novice at this online dating thing. I'm not new, or green, or naive. I have a healthy sense of caution. Some times that shows up as a little jaded. I'm sure I've been paranoid. But mostly, I'm pretty smart. savvy, even. I know myself, I know how to spot bullshit, and I mostly avoid it. But sometimes...
Mercury has been retrograde for about 6 weeks now. During that time my love life has been predictably TEFLON. a couple friends were like "Next!" when I told them about a few of my recent dates. I was determined to challenge long held beliefs during this retrograde - right down to my beliefs about retrograde itself! I was trying to be all broad-minded and question the fear. Its just mercury. I'm not signing a document. I'm not making a decision. sure, I could feel differently about this guy in a couple weeks but this isn't necessarily doomed just because of mercury. I mean...relationships are not necessarily mercury regulated. And its in Aquarius so...ok whatever.
And I just realized today what happened during retrograde. Funny that TODAY I could see more clearly. Today...the day Mercury went direct. Whatevs.
What I did during MercRx was question all my boundaries and beliefs in regards to love. I looked at certain boundaries and went "why is that there? who said I can or can't do that?" And so...I dated a Scorpio. And thought about dating another Pisces. I dated men that are not my type: short ones, Buddhist ones, recovering alcholic ones, ones that don't want any kids, old ones. (In fairness, the Buddhist was really hot, and I'd much rather have a recovering alcoholic than an active one. I'm an equal opportunity dater) Yes. I had a bit of a spree. And thumbed my nose at Mercury. And threw caution to the wind and chose to believe a man when he seemed sincere.
And so we come to Leo guy. But his birthday is irrelevant because its probably made up. Whats interesting about him is that I talked to him at all. He was so sincere. I immediately questioned it. And then I thought OMG dating has RUINED me to the point that I can't believe a man when he seems sincere! I'm an awful jaded bitch. I am so broken and bitter. Oh the humanity!!
So I chose to go along with this. A man living near me, working as a painting contractor. Not an attorney or some kind of high profile millionaire bullshit. Nope. Painting contractor. And a widower. awwww. Born in Germany but living in CA since high school. His wife died 3 years ago. And he's ready to move on.
deep breath, girl. You can do this for a minute.
OK. I can do this. sure. He's sweet. He's really sweet. And really cute. and German. That's new. That's hot. OK.
And then the phone call.
His voice was SO deep I had trouble understanding it. Oh and also there was the THICK and overwhelming accent. And it didn't sound German. And I know accents.
Girl, you're not invested...just flow.
OK.
Then the emails and the story of his life. and some quiet questions rearing up in my mind.
Its OK girl. You are not invested. Just see it out.
OK
Then I asked his last name. He provided it.
Google turned up nothing. anywhere. Oh wait...look...let's click this LinkedIn profile...oh hot damn there he is. Aw he's so cute. Oh...painting contractor. OK. oh...ZERO connections. zero. none.
oh look he went to college...at the Philadelphia ART school??? painting contractor?
hmmm. I returned to my email and dug into the code of the headers. This is geek speak that means I was looking for the IP address from whence the email came.
I found it. I traced it.
well get out the disco ball, friends. Sound the music. I'm a fucking genius detective. Homie is emailing me from a NIGERIAN IP address!!
NIGERIA people. Land of the ...idanno. and home of every internet scam ever known!!!
locked. blocked. reported. disgusted.
boom. my boundaries are validated. again.
so let's recap our MercRx experience:
NO SCORPIOS. confirmed.
NO PISCES. confirmed.
NO SWEET GERMAN WIDOWERS WITH FREAKISHLY DEEP VOICES! ewwwww. gawd!!!
I've shut down all my dating profiles and I'm taking up knitting. Mostly because knitting needles are kinda badass weapons. And ya know...scarves and cute hats and shit. My dog needs accessories.
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